Stuck on the Road to Nowhere
by PinkFairy727
Summary: Another short pre-Christmas fic. In which it snows and the SUV breaks down, leaving Jack and Ianto stranded. Jack/Ianto, Owen,


**Disclaimer: **Alas, I don't own Torchwood.

**Authors Notes: **A small Christmas present for xennie_b and huskyfriends

**Summary: **In which the SUV breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

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**Stuck on the Road to Nowhere**

Ianto watched from inside the car as Jack popped open the bonnet and immediately started coughing as he waved away the smoke pouring from the engine. Ianto had offered to help but, as Jack pointed out, Ianto knew even less about car engines than Jack did and even if Jack did die of hypothermia at least he would get back up again. The snow had been falling gently for over an hour now, coating the fields and the icy country road they had been driving down in a thin, white icing.

Ianto sighed and reached for his phone. He knew that, talented as Jack was, there was no way he was going to be able to re-start the SUV with the few tools they had in the boot.

Loathed though Ianto was to call Owen for help he knew he didn't have any other choice. The normally reliable SUV breaking down on route back from a standard find and retrieve mission had not been in anybody's plans, least of all his own.

Thinking longingly of the Hub coffee machine and wishing he had made a flask or two before they left, Ianto sighed and hit the speed-dial for Owen's mobile.

"What do you want?" Owen asked as he answered the phone. If Owen or Ianto were phoning each other it was rarely good news they were sharing.

"The car's broke down," Ianto replied matter of factly, watching Jack slam down the car bonnet once again before moving back towards the driver's door, an icy gust of wind and several snowflakes accompanying him.

"I need Tosh to trace my phone and then somebody needs to come over in the spare car with the repair kit. It's in the back of the garage. If you go into the-"

"Yes, Ianto, I _do _know where the repair kit is. I can actually get to the garage without step-by-step instructions. What do you mean the car's 'broken down'?" Owen asked incredulously but Ianto could still hear him asking Tosh to locate them anyway.

"I mean the engine has blown up, we don't have enough tools to repair it and I don't want to have to Retcon another AA bloke."

"I told you we should have gone with RAC, they take to Retcon better."

"We got a better deal with AA; break-down, car insurance and pet insurance for Myfanwy."

"You got insurance for the pterodactyl?"

"They think she's some sort of rare, exotic bird."

"God and I thought the dry-cleaners were thick. Right, Tosh has your location. Gwen and I are on our way... Hang on a sec," Ianto tapped the fingers of his free hand against his knee as he listened to Owen converse with Tosh and Gwen, glaring at Jack as he shook his head to dislodge the snow in his hair, shaking half of it onto Ianto in the process.

"Okay, Gwen says according to Google there's nothing for miles near your location, no pubs, no 24-hour horrible coffee shops, nothing. She's says you'll just have to sit tight and snuggle up in the back seat until we get there- her words, not mine before you even open that sarcastic mouth of yours."

"Wasn't going to say a word," Ianto replied in his most innocent tone, frowning when Owen sighed down the phone. "What's wrong?" Ianto asked, temporarily ignoring the concerned look that had suddenly appeared on Jack's face at the question.

"Gwen's got a point. The heating will have packed up on the car and it's minus four out there."

"Really, Owen, I hadn't noticed," Ianto sniped.

"Alright, no need to get snappy. Just make sure you guys stay warm because if I get there and find either of you have died of hypothermia I'll kill you myself. Just don't tell me what you do and see if you can't get Jack to cheer you up. If you're still a grumpy bastard when I get there, we'll leave you in the snow. See you in an hour."

Ianto snapped his phone shut before placing it back into his jacket pocket. "Don't worry they're fine," Ianto reassured Jack before he had a chance to refer to the end of Ianto's conversation with Owen. "But I think Owen just gave us permission to have sex in the SUV," Ianto told Jack before immediately wiping the leer of Jack's face. "We're not having sex in the SUV."

"Why not?" Jack asked. "It'll help keep you warm."

"Do you remember what happened last time?"

"Yeah, but there's no police cars for miles."

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Ianto replied, as if talking to a small child, "but didn't you say that last time?"

"Yes, but-"

"And the time before that."

"I apologised for that."

"What about that time we were driving overnight to London?"

"Yeah, I know but...Hey! That one was your fault!"

"We're not having sex in the SUV," Ianto replied, turning to look out of his window, a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. Ianto determinedly kept his gaze on the snow, which was still falling relentlessly, and not on Jack's smirking reflection. It was only when he saw the reflection move that Ianto turned around.

"What are you doing?" Ianto asked as he watched Jack move the drivers-seat forward before clambering over the gear-stick and into the back of the car. Ianto watched as Jack lay down across the back seat, his foot digging into Ianto's back.

"Come here," was Jack's only reply as he loosened his coat, spreading his arms as far as he could in the confined space. Ianto raised an eyebrow at Jack, clearly asking, 'What are you up to?'

"Come here," Jack repeated, gesturing to Ianto from the back seat. Grumbling, Ianto complied, cursing under his breath when he kneed the gear-stick as he clambered into the back of the car.

Ianto had barely stumbled into the back half of the car before Jack had grabbed his arm, pulling Ianto on top of him. Ianto only had time to let of a small 'oomph' of discomfort before Jack was kissing him.

It wasn't until Jack started nibbling Ianto's neck several minutes later that Ianto even realised that his tie was now draped across the steering wheel and that the top three buttons of his shirt had been undone. Still, at least he wasn't cold anymore.

"We're still not having sex in the SUV," Ianto told Jack breathlessly, throwing his head back.

"Uh huh," Jack replied with a grin, lifting Ianto's shirt tails out of his trousers and running his hands under the material and along Ianto's back. "Just keep telling yourself that."

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